Raising Spiritual Children in a Material World: Introducing Spirituality into Family Life by Phil Catalfo. New York: Berkley Books. 1997. 253 pp. $12.
When we become parents, many of us find ourselves wanting to reconnect with our religious roots or find meaningful spiritual traditions to enrich our family life. This resurgence of interest in spirituality may be fueled in part by a need to give our children a religious heritage as well as a meaningful community context in which to absorb these values. Certainly, the birth of children sharpens our focus on our own mortality and existential questions.
I am keen for my kids to have strong moral and religious values especially now that they are in school and have increasing access to conflicting (and sometimes distressing) lifestyles. Growing up in a generation that swung away from the religious traditions of our parents, I have found myself caught between wanting them to have a strong spiritual outlook and not wanting to overly influence them. I want them to feel they can make choices for themselves. Still wavering on my own spiritual position, I’ve found that affiliation with a religious group provides a framework in which to seek and struggle with existential questions. On the other hand, that affiliation does not necessarily translate into tools for implementing spirituality into everyday family life.
In the introduction to his book Raising Spiritual Children in a Material World, author Phil Catalfo struck me as an open-minded, honest and curious questioner with an approach to life not unlike my own. Much of his personal and professional life has been spent exploring these questions, due in part to painful and uncertain personal circumstances: he has a son afflicted with leukemia.
Catalfo’s book suggests some useful strategies for bringing spirituality to the family table. Parents baffled by a young child’s questions about God and uncertain about how to untertake the explanation of life’s mysteries, will find Catalfo’s insights valuable. First and foremost, he contends that spirituality is not something you GIVE to kids, but something you model as you wrestle with your own spiritual issues. It is your journey rather than your stock answers that provides fertile ground for your kids as they grow into their own spirituality. In other words, you don’t indoctrinate them—you show them. You show them the value of the spiritual quest as essential to a meaningful life. At the same time, Catalfo warns against the common mistake of becoming so preoccupied with lofty goals or dogma that you fail to notice what’s happening NOW—blessings, or challenges calling you in this moment.
The book reaffirmed my thirst for ways to make spirituality an integral and significant part of my children’s lives, but I would have appreciated a broader and more in-depth study that included families affiliated with mainstream religious traditions. A long time contributor to New Age Journal, Catalfo included profiles of families so unconventional in their outlook that it was difficult to feel a connection to them. An emphasis on families with obscure solutions detracted from the book’s usefulness to me. This focus on marginal groups at the expense of mainstream, more conventional religious traditions, made sections of the book seem too extreme and insufficiently grounded.
Neverthesless, the book has helpful guidelines for day-to-day living, regardless of your religious tradition. The long list includes: starting early; telling the truth, being wary about making up what you don’t know; doing good; recognizing our kids as teachers; being creative and real; remembering the journey is the destination; seeing spirituality as enjoyable and not as a punishment; wearing spirituality on our sleeves and not as a badge; and singing (regardless of whether or not we have any talent).
A widely published freelance, Phil Catalfo specializes in spirituality, health and family issues. He has written for New Age Journal, Whole Earth Review, Parenting, Sesame Street Parents, and the San Francisco Chronicle. He lives with his family in Berkeley, California.
This book seemed to offer an enlightened, pragmatic approach but may feel unsatisfactory to folks attached to a particular tradition. It’s got some great advice, but it does not provide ultimate answers. In the end that’s rather comforting—you’re not SUPPOSED to have all the answers. But here at least are some helpful hints for the road, an addition to the many resources required on a long and complicated adventure.