Laughter and Tears: The Emotional Life of New Mothers by Elisabeth Bing and Libby Colman. New York: Henry Holt and Company, 1997. 276 pp. $16.95.
How many of us spent oodles of time reading everything we could lay our hands on about pregnancy and the experience of delivery? Most of us, I suspect. But how did we prepare for the postpartum period? During our first pregnancy we tend to be so fixated on the unknown aspects of delivery that we expend little energy contemplating the possible stresses of living with a new baby.
No amount of reading, talking with other new parents or listening to the invariable horror stories which others inflict on us prepares us for the experience of being a parent. Even those of us who had experience working with babies and toddlers prior to having children of our own come face to face with a whirl of unexpected emotions and surprising reactions. Furthermore, since most postpartum books focus on the practical aspects of caring for newborns and the stories we hear from others tend to revolve around the powerful impact of the delivery experience, we are often left groping in the dark with our emotions.
The beauty of this book is in the way it chronicles the experiences of hundreds of new mothers. As we digest the wide-ranging reactions of other women, it is possible to see ourselves in the stories of others. It is both reassuring and validating to know that we are not the first ones to have experienced such strong and sometimes conflicting emotions. Even those uncomfortable, frightening feelings, the ones we are barely able to articulate to ourselves, find themselves onto the pages of this book. The authors give us courage to acknowledge that every woman needs and should have a healthy support system during this fragile first year. They outline many ways of finding support and achieving the right balance.
Elisabeth Bing introduced American women to the Lamaze method of natural childbirth with her million-copy best seller, Six Practical Lessons for an Easier Childbirth, and is the author of several other best-selling titles in the field. Libby Colman, a social psychologist who specializes in designing education and support programs for parents, is the co-author of Pregnancy: The Psychological Experience.
As I read this book recently in preparation for facilitating a group for new mothers, I fervently wished I had read a book of its kind during the first year after my first son’s birth. Instead of having unrealistically high expectations for myself, being the over-zealous mother who took care of everything, and attempting to respond to my baby’ every whim, I might have relaxed a little and toned down my martyr-like behavior. In recognizing the benefits of carefully crafting a network of support, I might have done a better job of taking care of my own needs. New mothers who are grappling with these and other issues will find this book informative, and perhaps more importantly, very comforting.